Guides
Shadow Work in Therapy
Making room for the parts of you that got pushed out of sight—anger, envy, shame, desire—and finding out what they’ve been holding.
Approaches I draw on
On my approach page, I say that the shadow is always welcome in our work, and I mean it quite literally. The shadow is a name for the parts of you that didn’t fit who you were supposed to be, so they went underground—the ones that, as I put it on my home page, seemed “too much, too angry, too tender, or too strange to bring anywhere else.”
The idea is usually traced to the Swiss psychiatrist Carl Jung, who used the word for the parts of ourselves we keep out of awareness. My own way into this territory is through Internal Family Systems and psychodynamic work, but the word has stuck around because it describes something most of us recognize the moment we hear it.
What ends up in the shadow
Anything you learned was unacceptable can end up there. Often it’s the feelings with bad reputations—anger, envy, resentment, shame, desire, or a wish to be cared for that felt embarrassing to admit. It can just as easily be something good that wasn’t safe to show where you grew up: ambition in a family that prized modesty, softness in one that prized toughness, or a big personality that kept getting told to tone it down.
Pushing those parts away doesn’t make them disappear. They tend to come out sideways instead, as a flash of irritation that seems out of proportion, a sharp judgment of someone who has exactly the quality you can’t stand in yourself, or a wave of shame the moment you want something too openly.
Why the shadow can hold wisdom and strength
I believe these deeper, darker parts of your experience can hold wisdom and strength, which is a big part of why I welcome them. Anger can carry information about a boundary that’s been crossed. Envy can point straight at something you want and haven’t let yourself want. Even shame can be trying to protect something tender.
This is where IFS is so useful. Every part, even one whose methods hurt, is trying to help in some way, usually by protecting you from something it learned to fear. A part that rages may be guarding a part that was humiliated, and a part that numbs everything out may be keeping grief at a distance you can manage. The goal isn’t to get rid of any part of you—it’s to understand what each one is doing and what it needs.
If the idea of parts is new to you, parts work therapy explained is a gentle introduction. The part doing the hiding is often guarding a younger one, which is why shadow work overlaps so much with inner child and parts work.
What shadow work isn’t
Shadow work has become a popular phrase, so it’s worth saying what it isn’t, at least the way I approach it. It isn’t:
- Digging up darkness for its own sake, or reliving painful experiences before you’re ready
- Acting out every impulse you uncover, since making room for anger is different from letting it run things
- A hunt for proof that you’re secretly a bad person
- A social media challenge with daily prompts, though if that’s where you first heard the term, no judgment from me
What it looks like in session
It’s slower and kinder than the name might suggest. We start with curiosity: a reaction that surprised you, a feeling you’re quick to apologize for, or a part of yourself you’d rather I didn’t meet. We go at whatever pace suits you, and the protective parts get a say in how fast we move. I won’t try to override them to get to what they’re guarding.
I bring a deeply non-judgmental attitude to this work. Whatever comes up—envy of your closest friend, fury at someone you love, a longing you’ve never said out loud—I’m interested in it, not shocked by it. There’s room for humor here too, and it can be a real relief to discover that a part you’ve hidden for years is, on closer inspection, a bit dramatic rather than dangerous.
If you’d like to get to know the parts of you that have been waiting in the wings, you can ask for a free 15-minute video consultation through the contact form. A couple of lines is plenty—we’ll cover the rest on the call.
A few common questions
Will shadow work bring up more than I can handle?
We go at your pace, and slowing down or stopping is always an option. Protective parts are there for a reason, so we work with them rather than around them. Telehealth isn’t the right fit for every situation, though, and if you need more support than weekly video sessions can offer, I’ll tell you and help you find it.
Is this Jungian therapy?
No. Jung gave us the word, but my work isn’t Jungian analysis. I work with these parts of you through IFS, psychodynamic therapy, and mindfulness.
Can I do shadow work on my own?
Some of it, yes. Journaling, noticing what irritates you about other people, and asking what a strong reaction might be protecting can all be worthwhile. The deeper material can be easier to approach with someone alongside you, especially when a part is carrying something painful, and that’s where therapy can help: steady company, careful pacing, and someone paying close attention with you.