Guides
How to find the right therapist for you
Credentials and approaches matter, but fit matters more than anything written on a page—including this one.
Starting therapy
Looking for a therapist can feel strangely like dating. You scroll through profiles, try to decode a photo and a few paragraphs, and hope the person behind them is who they seem. It’s a lot of guesswork for something this personal, so here’s what I’d suggest paying attention to, whoever you end up working with.
Start with the practical basics
A few things can narrow the search quickly. Your therapist needs to be licensed in the state where you’re physically located during sessions—I’m licensed in California and Massachusetts, for example, so that’s where I can work with you. You’ll also want to think about cost and insurance, session length and frequency, and whether video sessions suit you.
If you’re hoping to use insurance, check whether a therapist is in network or out of network before you fall in love with their website. My practice is private pay and out of network, and the details are laid out on my rates page. If cost is the barrier, tell me on a consultation call and I’ll point you toward lower-fee and sliding-scale directories in your state.
Look for an approach that makes sense to you
Therapists draw on different traditions, and it’s worth reading how someone describes their work. Do they mostly focus on skills and symptoms, on patterns and their roots, or on both? Do they mention the body, your relationships, or the different “parts” of you? You don’t need to become an expert in modalities. Just notice whether the description sounds like something you’d actually want to do.
My own work draws on Internal Family Systems, psychodynamic and attachment theory, and mindfulness, and I adjust as we go rather than following one method rigidly. You can read more on my approach if you’re curious how those fit together.
Notice how it feels to talk to them
This is the part no directory can tell you. On a consultation call, notice whether you feel listened to, whether your questions get direct answers, and whether you can imagine telling this person something hard. Some people want a therapist who mostly listens. Others want someone more active, who’ll engage, challenge and guide. Neither is wrong, but it helps to know which you’d prefer.
Identity matters here too. You deserve a therapist who meets your culture, gender, sexuality and background with curiosity rather than caution. I’m open about my own identity, and I care about being an LGBTQIA+ safe space—but whoever you choose, it’s fair to ask how they think about these things.
Questions worth asking on a consultation call
A short call is a good time to ask anything that will help you decide. You might ask:
- How would you describe the way you work, and what does a typical session look like?
- How might you approach what I’m dealing with?
- How do fees, insurance and cancellations work?
- How will we know whether therapy is helping?
Trust what you notice
It’s completely okay to talk to more than one therapist before deciding, and a good one won’t take it personally. If I don’t think I’m the right fit for what you need, I’ll tell you on that call and point you somewhere more useful.
And if something feels off a few sessions in, it’s worth saying so out loud. Sometimes a direct conversation is all it takes to get things back on track. Sometimes it really isn’t the right match, and that’s okay too—there’s more on that in my guide to switching therapists.
If you’d like to see whether we’re a fit, you can request a free 15-minute consultation. It’s a short video call, and you’re welcome to bring every question on this page.
A few common questions
How many therapists should I talk to before choosing?
There’s no magic number. You might know after one call, or you might want to compare two or three. What matters is choosing someone you feel you could be honest with.
What do the letters after a therapist’s name mean?
They describe the license someone holds. Mine are LCSW (California) and LICSW (Massachusetts), both clinical social work licenses. I’ve written a short guide on what LCSW and LICSW mean if you’d like the details.
Is it rude to ask a therapist about their own identity or background?
Not at all. It’s a reasonable question, and how someone responds can tell you a lot. I’m open about my own identity when we work together, and I’d much rather you asked than wondered.