Guides
What do I talk about in therapy?
You don’t need an agenda, a crisis or a perfectly told story—just somewhere to start, and almost anywhere will do.
Starting therapy
It’s a very common moment. You log on for your session, the screen loads, and your mind goes completely blank. Or you spend the whole week convinced you have nothing important enough to bring. If that sounds familiar, here’s some reassurance and a few places to begin.
You don’t need an agenda
There’s no correct way to start a session. Some weeks you’ll arrive with something urgent. Other weeks you won’t have a clue, and that’s just as useful. Not knowing what to say is information in itself, and we can get curious about it together.
I’m an active therapist, so finding a starting point isn’t your job alone. If you’re stuck, I’ll ask questions, notice what seems to be underneath, and help you find a thread. Starting is a shared job.
The small things count
It’s tempting to skip the “small” stuff because it doesn’t feel therapy-worthy: the irritation at a coworker, the text you didn’t send, the way your shoulders tensed when your mom called. But small moments are often where bigger patterns show up most clearly. A two-minute interaction can hold the same dynamic that’s shaped your relationships for years.
So if something stuck with you this week—even if you can’t explain why—that’s a perfectly good place to start.
The things you’d rather not say
Most of us have parts we keep quiet because they seem too much, too angry, too tender, or too strange to bring anywhere else. Envy, resentment, shame, desire, a grief that doesn’t seem to make sense. These are exactly the parts I hope you’ll eventually feel able to bring, at your own pace. I have a deeply non-judgmental attitude, and the shadow is always welcome in our work—there’s more on that in my guide to shadow work.
You don’t have to start there, though. It’s fine to circle around something for a while before saying it directly, and it’s fine to say, “There’s something I’m not ready to talk about yet.” That sentence alone can open a lot.
You can talk about therapy, and about me
Therapy itself is fair game. If a session left you frustrated, if something I said didn’t land, or if you’re wondering whether this is helping, I want to hear about it. Those conversations can be some of the most useful ones we have.
Identity is part of this too. What I carry into the work shapes what I notice and what I might miss, so you’re welcome to name it, question it or push back on it whenever you like. My about page says more about why that matters to me.
A few places to start
If you’d like a little structure, any of these can open a session:
- A moment from this week that stuck with you
- An argument or reaction that keeps repeating
- A feeling that seemed bigger than the situation called for
- Something you want more of, or less of, in your life
- A part of you that’s been especially loud lately
If “parts” language is new to you
That last idea comes from Internal Family Systems, which shapes a lot of how I work. My post on parts work is a friendly introduction. And if you’re still deciding whether to start, you’re welcome to request a free 15-minute consultation—you can ask me anything, including what we’d talk about.
A few common questions
What if I run out of things to say partway through a session?
Then we’ll slow down and see what’s there. Pauses aren’t failures. Sometimes the most important thing arrives right after a silence, and if nothing does, I’ll help us find a thread.
Should I bring notes?
If it helps, absolutely. Jotting down what came up during the week can keep it from slipping away. You might also prefer to arrive and see what comes. Either works.
Is it okay to talk about the same thing every week?
Yes. Returning to the same topic usually means it matters, and each time we may notice something new. If it starts to feel stuck, we can talk about that too, and look at what keeps it in place.